In Between Worlds

June 23, 2002

Life has been no less eventful since I last wrote. I have simply lacked the motivation to write. Or perhaps I lacked the sense of anything definite to write about. I write this in the lounge room of our rented house a few suburbs away from my old parish. Over a year has passed since I preached my last sermon, packed our bags and left the parish manse to move here 3 days later.

The most profound change has been a deep and lasting peace about our lives in faith since we became Catholics. Another very important change has been our newest family member! The newest little addition to the family has certainly stirred things up a lot, even before he or she is born, the baby has been causing all kinds of trouble. We can't wait to meet him or her! :) In a very real sense this baby is an incarnation of the decision to be Catholic, to be open to all that God wants for us in life, love and family.

So what has happened? The six weeks after my resignation were extremely difficult in many ways. The congregation knew we were leaving to become Catholic so they kept asking themselves, "Was everything he taught us Catholic, or Lutheran?" When I was asked this question I always answered "Everything I taught in this parish was 100% Lutheran, and 100% Catholic." It was true. I can look back on my sermons, classes and writing and be confident that I never taught anything I wasn't convinced was consistent with the Church Fathers, nor did I teach anything that went beyond the boundaries of my authority as a Lutheran minister.

Some parishioners doubted that the Eucharist I presided over in that interim were 'valid' in a Lutheran sense since I obviously didn't believe they were valid. Senior Lutheran theologians were quick to reassure the congregations that, according to Lutheran teaching, since I carried out the rites according to the Lutheran rubric that it was 'valid'.

I attempted to listen carefully to all the hurts, anger and complaints of my parishioners. I was surprised at how many of them assumed it was all about them, or at least all about that parish. Most were angry at me for abandoning them. I had been the first young man in that parish for some time and, if the parishioners words are anything to go by, had brought a sense of hope and excitement to the parish. Numbers were rising, people were feeling more excited about being a Lutheran. Some were even bravely adopting Luther's recommendation to cross themselves in private prayer and even *gasp* in the Church! Now they felt as if they had been taken for a ride. I heard what they said, and I could understand why they were feeling that way. Unfortunately I could not answer all their questions clearly and fully. While still acting as a Lutheran minister, my relationship with them was one based on trust that I fulfill my vow to teach only what the Lutheran Church of Australia teaches. It would have been a betrayal of that position of trust to use my position as spiritual authority in the Lutheran Church to attempt to undermine their faith in that organisation's teachings.

Besides these considerations, The presidents had explicitly forbidden me to speak about my questions and concerns with the Lutheran teachings, or about Catholicism, with any Lutheran. I honoured their demand while I was serving out my time as a Lutheran minister, in spite of the fact it meant passing up many opportunities to defend myself against unjust accusations.

When the news of my resignation became public I was faced with abusive e-mails, anonymous angry phone calls, heated accusations from strangers and old classmates and friends, even threats of violence against myself, my wife and children. After a particularly horrid caller reduced my wife to tears, I begged the District President to intervene in some way. He said he could understand the people's hurt, and that he felt some himself, but he would do what he could. What he did do was print a description of my resignation which suggested that the two of us resigning from the ministry at that time had done so in an underhand and deceitful manner, without bringing our questions to those who could have answered them. He didn't actually print the questions of course. The unofficial version passed by word of mouth was much worse.

The Catholic priest who had provided quiet moral support when we needed it through the whole process suddenly came into his own. He put up the Bond money for the rental property, arranged several key white goods for us from the local Catholic seconds shop, and made sure we were looked after in other ways too. All of this without any expectation that we attend his parish! (We had moved into a neighbouring suburb.)

I had applied for several jobs but had been knocked back. It was only on the Friday before the Sunday I finished up that a man who I had never met (or written to) called to say I had an interview on Monday morning at Centacare (Catholic Family Services). When I sounded surprised, he said it had been arranged by the Archbishop the day before. We moved our things into this much smaller house from Monday to Wednesday and I went to the interview on Thursday. I had no idea what to expect but they were kind enough. After some time it became clear that I was well qualified in areas that the Archbishop had advised I not take on at this early stage. Very wise, I thought at the time, to protect a hurting young ex-pastor from the rigors of Catholic teaching and theology. Although the real concern was probably to protect Catholic teaching and theology from a hurting young ex- pastor!

In any case I was given a job starting the following Monday as an administrative assistant to the Marriage Education Team. I went home to tell my wife and you children that we would eat the following week after all. We spent our last $16 on fish and chips for dinner on Friday evening and ate packaged noodles and powdered soup on the weekend. You children thought it was a fine change! Thank God for you! You have kept me sane, I am sure, by constantly reminding me that I am loved, that what I say and do is important because I am your father, and that the best thing I can do for you is act with love and integrity. Thank God for you!

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